third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
