Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
