so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I FOUND THE LEGS
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
