Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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