You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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