dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
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I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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