Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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