the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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