He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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