Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
