So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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