your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
