i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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