I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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