haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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