Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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