I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
