Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
