I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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