party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
