I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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