You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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