Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
