My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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