I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
