Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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