I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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