I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
