Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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