When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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