I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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