the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
