the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
