i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
