He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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