Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
