did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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