my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
