just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
there's paper in my vomit.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
