Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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