Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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