found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
