i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
