So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize