I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
