Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i think i have herpe
just one?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
