My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
