Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
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he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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