Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
