Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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