babies were throwing up all over the place
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
