the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
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Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
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So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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