ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize