never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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