We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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