I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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