his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
