i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
