i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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