craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
