Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
