did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
