She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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