Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
