; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
