Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
false alarm, still single
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