You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
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totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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