$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
